How To Reflect Actively & Effectively
I think we have to own the fears that we have of each other, and then, in some practical way, some daily way, figure out how to see people differently than the way we were brought up to. — Alice Walker
Whether or not we are consciously aware of it, most of us are reconciling in some way right now. Regardless of where you stand on racial and social justice issues or where you stand politically, you are seeing and interacting with content and media, you are having conversations, and you are noticing and feeling things. You are responding to what’s happening around you as we always do, only this time what’s happening around you is exceptional in terms of the responses it could elicit from you and the implications it could have on your life going forward.
If you have chosen to engage with what’s unfolding in the world over the past month--meaning, at the very least you are giving it some thought and attention--you are opening yourself up to new feelings and perspectives that will either affirm or call into question your existing foundational beliefs. If you have chosen not to engage (in any way / shape / form) you may not be affirming or questioning your foundational beliefs, you may be preserving them as they are. Afterall, whether or not your foundational beliefs evolve or change is, at the end of the day, entirely up to you.
Regardless of how much or little you are engaging, and how much or little you are evolving as a person, you may be interested in understanding what the events of the past month mean to / for you. This practice of pausing to process something that is unfolding--and giving it real estate in your brain--is commonly referred to as “reflecting.” Like anything else though, there is a difference between saying you are reflecting vs actually doing it, and then doing it in a concerted and meaningful way. That is what we are going to talk about today: how to actively and effectively reflect. So that no matter who you are or how you think or what you are / are not doing right now as it relates to the BLM movement, you can learn about how best to go about reflecting upon this pivotal moment in history if you so choose:
Step 1: Get into a reflective headspace.
Just like anything in life, time for reflection is most likely not going to appear on your calendar. Most of us will have to actively carve out time during the day to reflect. Start by selecting a 30-min slot on the calendar that you know you can commit to, ideally at a time of day that tends to be more naturally relaxing / less busy (relatively). Again, you may not see this 30-min slot sitting there on your calendar—carving it out may mean you are missing a workout one day this week or you are rescheduling an existing commitment. Sometimes priorities have to shift, and that is ok. Once in your actual “reflection time” it will be key to create some quiet and some peace so your mind can actually calm down (think of your mind as a muscle that needs to be stretched before being put to work—it needs to be soothed and massaged before it can think clearly and intuitively). Suppose your reflection time is happening in the middle of the workday and you may not be able to achieve that peaceful state so easily. In this case, or something similar, a few slow, deep breaths can always help. If you can’t find or don’t prefer a quiet, soundless environment for this kind of thinking, then certainly tune into your favorite playlist on Spotify—whatever calms you down will work :)
Step 2: Ask yourself questions to prompt reflective thoughts.
Short of being on an empty beach with no worries, if you make the effort to put all of the above in place you will be in a good enough reflective headspace to begin letting your mind wander. Give yourself a couple minutes of this wandering and untangling from what’s immediately happening around you (e.g. your inbox, your plans later, your kids’ whining, etc). When you feel ready, you can begin to prompt your mind with some open-ended questions like: How have I been feeling over the past month? What has moved me, if anything? What has triggered me, if anything? What have I felt good about? What have I not felt good about? What is standing out as important to me, vs what isn’t? Who was I before the events of the past month and who am I now? What feels important for me to do about issues of race in our country, if anything? These are big questions and most people don’t even ask themselves 1 of these in a given month, so go easy on yourself and take your time with each.
Step 3: Acknowledge and observe your answers like they are rocks on a table.
Chances are that who you are in this reflective state and what you are learning about yourself is true to who you have always been and who you likely will be going forward, so long as you don’t actively take steps to change. It is important to acknowledge this connection, and to fully acknowledge your responses to the above questions. What do I mean by “fully acknowledge”? I mean: try to treat your responses like rocks on a table that you are simply noticing. You are noticing that the rocks (aka thoughts) are there, on the table, and you are aware that each rock (thought) is something you can either pick up and hold onto, or choose to discard and leave behind you. Acknowledging your thoughts in this way, as opposed to immediately beginning to judge them, is how we can become more objective about parts of ourselves and therefore realize we have the freedom to change. With objectivity as the goal, now ask yourself: Which of my thoughts do I feel content with? Which thoughts am I ready to let go of? How do I want to go about accepting and further adopting, or letting go, of certain thoughts? What is important to me about making these changes? How can I commit to these changes that I want to make?
At this point you have most likely gleaned some insights about yourself, and you may be feeling some type of way about them. That is part of the experience of reflecting, especially when it comes to reflecting upon as complex of a topic as racial injustice in our country. You may feel like 30 mins was not enough and you need more time—great! Carve it out. You may feel like you learned so much and you need more of this “reflecting time” on your calendar—great! Schedule a recurring meeting for yourself. You may feel like you are coming away with some action items that really matter to you—great! Write them down and give yourself a deadline, and maybe tell a friend about whatever it is you plan to do (this will help with accountability). You may feel like you’re not ready to “do anything”--great! Remind yourself that by asking yourself these tough questions, you *are* already doing something. Challenge yourself to go one step further by sharing this exercise with a friend who you think could benefit from it :)
