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Personal-growth habits that feel rewarding to put in place now, and will pay dividends post-COVID

When I first talked to my life coach, Kyle Marzonie, I was amidst training for the NYC Marathon, had just lost a huge client, was feeling stuck at my full-time job, was being forced to find a new apartment 8 months before my lease ended, and all within a week of leaving for Italy as our big trip, as noted in this article. As a creature of habit, I was at a loss and felt like my life had taken a turn creating stress and anxiety for me after a summer that felt grounded and motivating for my next steps.

I had heard of life coaches prior, but had never spoken to one, and wasn’t sure what they really did that my therapist did not. Coaching someone one their life? I’m a great advice giver...if I just start following my own advice, I can be my own life coach, right? But as someone who wants to try everything, I decided I had nothing to lose by scheduling a consultation with Kyle. I scheduled a call with her first thing in the morning because I know that that’s when I feel the most in-tune with myself and the least anxious. Given that the first call happened at a time when a lot was happening in my life, I dove right into the things I wanted guidance on. The difference between a therapist and a life coach is that, with Kyle, I talked about the things I valued and knew I wanted, as well as the road blocks in my life (like Imposters Syndrome) to create goals for myself that were realistic and tailored to my strengths and challenges. After each session, rather than feeling like I was venting to someone for an hour, I felt like I was doing meaningful work on myself to create a blueprint for the life I wanted to live, and being guided by someone who was showing me parts of myself that I wasn’t consciously aware of. It felt like I was introduced to Kyle at the perfect time.

In the sessions that I have had with Kyle, she has helped me to see my strengths, understand what I really want beyond what I think I want, the power of choosing “and” rather than “but” when speaking about myself, and taught me countless small exercises like journaling without judgement that I have adapted into my routines. Beyond the things that Kyle has helped me through, I have realized the power of what one-hour sessions with her can do for my confidence in my career and personal life. Since the Covid outbreak, Kyle has created so many helpful resources on her company, Turn Key’s Instagram account, and while thinking of ways to create a personal-growth resource during a time when many of us are beginning to look inward, I couldn’t think of someone better than her to chime in on ways to create personal-growth habits throughout quarantine that feel rewarding now and will pay dividends post-COVID.

Tune into Kyle’s tips below.

Make it a habit to connect with yourself at the start of each day.

Ok, firstly, what does “connect with yourself” even mean? It means purposefully carving out time each day - ideally at the start of it - to connect with who you are as a person, what’s important to you, and what you think you need for the day. You can achieve this with 5 simple minutes of “quiet time,” whatever that looks like for you (if possible try to find a space where you can be alone and without distraction, at least temporarily). Once there, ask yourself those 3 questions and do yourself the favor of genuinely listening to and absorbing your answers. Hopefully this practice will create a sense of grounding in your gifts, purpose, and values, as well as shine a light on any unmet needs that you can tend to proactively (e.g. the need for extra TLC that you can ask a friend, partner, or ME for!)

Stop, start, continue.

When was the last time you took a hard look at your routine? Probably not until very recently, when your routine was completely upended. While that can be disconcerting it is also an opportunity to refresh and optimize. One of my favorite things to do with clients is play the “Stop, Start, Continue,” game, which is exactly what it sounds like: the process of asking yourself what about your routine you want to stop, start, and continue doing, and then putting a plan in place to make those changes. Pro-tip: I always recommend physical pen and paper for an exercise like this—it taps a different part of the brain that tends to be more honest and more resourceful. So, take 10 minutes to reflect on your daily habits and practices and identify at least 1 thing you want to stop, start, and continue, respectively. Go one step further by committing another 5 mins to mapping out exactly how each amendment to your routine is going to happen (so it’s clear what specific action you need to take) and by when.

Work on changing your default setting to unconditional acceptance.

If there is a moment to start giving yourself a break, this is it. IMO one of the best ways to cope with our newfound challenges and resulting roller-coaster of emotions is to welcome it all, including the many sides of ourselves that we (and those around us) will experience. Creating an environment of unconditional acceptance of oneself is a life-long practice and it starts with simply deciding you want to commit to the practice in the first place. You can formalize the commitment by writing down a phrase like, “I unconditionally accept myself, my emotions, and my responses,” and putting the reminder somewhere visible throughout the day. When we start to accept, rather than judge, we can create a sense of grace towards ourselves and others that simply feels better than the alternative.

Learn the art of self-talk.

It’s likely over the last couple weeks you have noticed a renewed sense of appreciation, empathy, and compassion towards others. What would it be like to show yourself these things on a daily basis? Probably amazing, right? Self-talk is a way to do this. Though it can be tempting to stay on a negative thought-loop, especially when we’re feeling many of the things we are right now—like inadequacy, guilt, hopelessness, etc—remind yourself that you *do* have the power to change the narrative in your head, and change how you feel as a result. How best to do this? Tell yourself a version of the story that is going to make you feel the opposite of what you’re currently feeling. For instance, rather than tell yourself over and over that it’s your fault you lost your job and you’re not doing enough to get a new one right now, choose to tell yourself the opposite—that your company’s layoffs are not your fault, that you are incredibly valuable, and that you will find another job. Chances are this version of the story is more true than the other one and it will prove much more productive for you to listen to :)

Do a visioning exercise, with the “End of Quarantine” as your canvas.

Visioning can take many forms. At its core it is the act of envisioning the future in some way, helping us to realize what we truly want and unlocking the sense of possibility to get there. This can be an especially helpful exercise when feeling stuck or stagnant. To really visualize your ideal future post-quarantine, grab a sheet of paper and any other “craft items” you may have (e.g. pens, scissors, magazines, glue, tape, whatever you can get your hands on), and start writing / painting / pasting your response to any / all of these questions: What do you want for your post-quarantine-self? What is that version of you really appreciating and prioritizing? How are you spending your post-quarantine time and who are you spending it with? What is one new thing you're accomplishing in your post-quarantine future? Think of this as a nice moment for yourself as well as an investment in your future. Feel free to add any of your favorite things into the process (e.g. invite a friend to join, or pour yourself a glass of wine, or turn on some music, etc). Lastly, make sure to spend some time with the finished product—you might be surprised by what you see!